Monday, 2 November 2015

Wow, I am falling behind with my writing.

I had my third chemo treatment last Wednesday, Oct. 28th. It went well.  Barb and Michelle came with me.  Aren't they sweet?  I have had this sore lump on the outside of my lower right calf for weeks now, so just before treatment, they sent me down for an ultrasound to rule out blood clots.  It wasn't a clot. It leaves me wondering as to what could be wrong with my leg.  This large painful lump that seems to be getting worse and the 10 days of anti-biotics not doing much to help (with the assumption it may be an infection) has left me frustrated.  It's even hard to sleep at night because I am constantly trying to find a comfortable position for my leg. I see my family doctor early Wednesday morning.  Perhaps we can figure this out sooner or later. Time will tell.

As is the routine I find myself in after treatments, I was feeling kind of crappy Wed. evening, into the night, but well enough to go to work Thursday.  I knew I was in for 4 bad days from Fri through Mon. Barb came to stay with me for those 4 days, leaving just a short while ago.  It really helps to have her around.  She cooked our meals, went to Shopper's to pick up a few things for me, took my pups for little walks, put some yard stuff away in preparation for winter and she kept me company.  I get pretty down during the 4 or 5 days after chemo so having her here to help me and keep me company and to take the focus off my ruminating helps a lot and is good for the soul. I admire Barb's humility and caring nature. Thanks Barbie.

I slept a good part of those 4 days and though felt 'guilty' doing so, realize that it is necessary for my body to heal.  I am not being lazy. I have to keep telling myself that.  It's still really hard not being able to do much when I know there is always so much to do. I need to be more gentle with myself.

I have been nauseous, tired and well, weak.  I wish I had greater patience.  I guess what I wish is to be more accepting of my illness, but I'm not and that's ok.  One day at a time. And I pray.

Halloween came and went.  We got a grand total of 3 kids in one visit.  Pretty lame. I guess Halloween isn't what it was when I was growing up, where kids were out in abundance and homemade candy was common.  No razor blades, needles or other nasty things.  It was safe back then. It should be safe now.  It is for the most part, but there are still crazy people lurking about, ready to do harm to others, because they can. Karma does have the upper hand however, and someday, when they least expect it, will bite them in the ass.

I did manage to do a bit of baking in between the nausea episodes.  My brother and his spouse will be around this weekend from LA so I thought I'd put together some goodies for them to take home with them when they go back.  I made brown sugar fudge with walnuts and oreo chocolate fudge. I impulsively decided to make a small white cake as well, and used some of the brown sugar fudge, remelted, as icing. It was something mom would make us growing up and it was sooooo good.  For some reason, hers was much better than mine.

I will be back at work tomorrow and hopefully able to climb out of this slump I am in. I like the people I work with.....a lot.

I still have the occasional sound of a squirrel lurking in the walls.  I also smell death.  Not great at any time and really not great when you're nauseous.

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