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Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Defies explanation?

I wasn't feel quite right last night before heading up for bed. I couldn't explain it, but something wasn't right.

When I got into bed and lay down, I had these awful pains around my sternum. It felt a little like something was broken, maybe a bit of throbbing, jabbing........it was hard to describe, but was painful. I couldn't lie on my left side. I couldn't like on my right side. I couldn't lie on my back, but did so for what seemed like forever, afraid, but not daring to move. What was wrong?

Actually all along my thoughts were that I may be in the process of having a heart attack. I was scared, but I know when I am scared, I panic and my whole body seizes up, goes tense. So I did my best to stay calm. Of course my imagination was fully in gear. I thought my arms were going numb. Maybe they were. I'll never know. I thought that if this continued, I'd calmly get up, go downstairs, get dressed, make sure my dogs were fed and watered, call 911 and wait. I was going to tell them to not have their sirens going or their lights flashing as that was embarrassing. I would call Barb in the morning from the hospital and ask her to check on my pups and bring me my CPAP.........or maybe I should take my CPAP with me in the ambulance?

After about 15 minutes of pain, I slowly sat up and felt a little better. I sat on the edge of my bed. The pups were awake and wondering what I was doing. I told them everything was fine and to go back to sleep. I was prepared to call 911, but decided to wait a little longer. I lay down again and the same pain was back. I realized that sitting or standing, I was in much less pain, but lying down was painful, between a throb, an ache and a bit of stabbing. It was painful to breath, to clear my throat, to cough. I decided to try to sleep sitting up, so propped 3 pillows behind my head, did my best to relax......

.......and prayed.

"Dear God, are you kidding me? Have you not given me enough crosses to bear? I am doing my best to get healthy. I rejoined Weight Watcher's and have been doing well. I am smoking less....my goal to eventually quit. Please God, don't do this to me", etc, etc and then fell asleep. I woke up a while later without pain. I felt happy, and taking away the stack of pillows, keeping one, I rolled over onto my left side, curled up and went back to sleep.

I have been fine since.

Defies explanation? Maybe. Maybe not.