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Wednesday, 25 November 2015

I am so bad at keeping up with my blog.  Oh well, that's who I am.

I haven't hadn't any chemo since October 28.  I am still having issues with my leg.  I have gone through 3 rounds of anti-biotics and still, I have this open disgusting red sore on my calf.  It's not getting worse, but it's not getting better.  Tomorrow I will meet with an infectious disease doctor.  Hopefully this silliness can be figured out.  I saw the oncologist yesterday.  We discussed the possibility that it could be a symptom of diabetes.  I don't have diabetes, that I know of, but maybe I do.  Oh brother.

I had an MRI last week of my abdomen because of the issues I am having with my gallbladder.  The MRI results confirmed what the ultrasound suspected.......I have polyps in my gallbladder.  It may or may not be cancerous, so I will be meeting with a surgeon to discuss this in the near future.  If I need surgery, it will be put on hold until my chemo is completed.  And my chemo is on hold until we figure out what's wrong with my leg.  I may need plastic surgery to fill in the hole in my leg.  God give me strength.

On a more pleasant note, my beautiful, funny and talented daughter, Michelle turned 25 last Saturday, Nov. 21.  My sweetheart is a whole quarter century!  I feel so old.  I can't believe the years have slipped away so fast.  Remember to appreciate your kids every single day, especially when they are young........when they fight and cry and complain and argue with you, seemingly on a daily basis.  You may sometimes wish they'd grow up quicker because you can't stand the trials and tribulations. But boy oh boy, when you wake up and they are grown up and you wonder where the years went.............anyway, appreciate them always, in the moment.   Children are our greatest gift and we must remember not to focus on the grief they sometimes give us.  We must always remember to focus on the joy and happiness that they bring.  The good far outweighs the bad.  Thank you Michelle for being my daughter.  I love you. xoxo

I am still quite bald and really wish my hair would come back.  As thin and grey as it was, and as much as I complained that I had the worst hair on the planet, at least I had hair.  We don't appreciate what we have, until it's gone.  I must remember to be patient.  It will be some time before I get it back.  But I'll get it back.

Sweet dreams.........




Tuesday, 10 November 2015

I saw my oncologist today.  We discussed the infection I have in my leg and she thought it best to put chemo on hold indefinitely until the infection is under control.  The anti-biotics my family doc put me on last week will continue for another week.  I guess the chemo may be killing the cancer but causing some nasty side effects.  A bad infection in my leg is assumed to be a side effect.  Who knows.  I may have got the infection regardless, but I don't think so.

I am miserable.  My right leg is twice the size of my left, red, hard, warm and infected.  Nasty, scary and frustrating.  At least I don't have a fever...........yet.

So I have had 3 chemo treatments thus far, out of the originally prescribed 8.

On a much happier note, I spent the weekend in Toronto.  My beautiful, funny, intelligent and kind niece, Maude got married to her prince charming, Dave on Saturday, November 7th.  It was magical and Maude was breathtaking in my mother's wedding dress from 1945.  My sister Pat, Maude's mom, also wore it for her wedding 40 years ago on Nov 22, 1975.  Maude made a few alterations, but, for the most part, it remained as classy and as stunning as it did for it's debut on May 28, 1945.  The wedding, the reception, the dinner party at Dave's parents' place the night before and the brunch with all my siblings on Sunday morning made for a complete and wonderful weekend.

While I was away for the weekend, my friend Mary Louise was kind enough to look after Chewie and Coco.  It was very kind of her, considering her busy schedule which included working on Saturday.  She took the pups overnight Friday and Saturday, returning them to my place for the day time hours on Saturday and Sunday.  The pups apparently behaved well and had a good time at ML's (unless they didn't and ML is too kind to admit that they perhaps tore her house apart) but were still delighted to welcome me home Sunday night.  I was tired and glad to get home after taking the train to and from TO with my sister, Barb.  With the sore leg, I welcomed my home and my pups very much.

My sweetie pie daughter Michelle came by on Saturday to rake and bag leaves from my yard.  It was a huge help for me.  I still have much to do before the snow falls.  I welcomed her help and would welcome it again, if she offered. He he.

Tomorrow is Remembrance Day.  May we all be humbled, bow our heads and thank all those who have gone before us to bravely protect and fight for our beautiful country, the best country in the world!

Lest we Forget.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Wow, I am falling behind with my writing.

I had my third chemo treatment last Wednesday, Oct. 28th. It went well.  Barb and Michelle came with me.  Aren't they sweet?  I have had this sore lump on the outside of my lower right calf for weeks now, so just before treatment, they sent me down for an ultrasound to rule out blood clots.  It wasn't a clot. It leaves me wondering as to what could be wrong with my leg.  This large painful lump that seems to be getting worse and the 10 days of anti-biotics not doing much to help (with the assumption it may be an infection) has left me frustrated.  It's even hard to sleep at night because I am constantly trying to find a comfortable position for my leg. I see my family doctor early Wednesday morning.  Perhaps we can figure this out sooner or later. Time will tell.

As is the routine I find myself in after treatments, I was feeling kind of crappy Wed. evening, into the night, but well enough to go to work Thursday.  I knew I was in for 4 bad days from Fri through Mon. Barb came to stay with me for those 4 days, leaving just a short while ago.  It really helps to have her around.  She cooked our meals, went to Shopper's to pick up a few things for me, took my pups for little walks, put some yard stuff away in preparation for winter and she kept me company.  I get pretty down during the 4 or 5 days after chemo so having her here to help me and keep me company and to take the focus off my ruminating helps a lot and is good for the soul. I admire Barb's humility and caring nature. Thanks Barbie.

I slept a good part of those 4 days and though felt 'guilty' doing so, realize that it is necessary for my body to heal.  I am not being lazy. I have to keep telling myself that.  It's still really hard not being able to do much when I know there is always so much to do. I need to be more gentle with myself.

I have been nauseous, tired and well, weak.  I wish I had greater patience.  I guess what I wish is to be more accepting of my illness, but I'm not and that's ok.  One day at a time. And I pray.

Halloween came and went.  We got a grand total of 3 kids in one visit.  Pretty lame. I guess Halloween isn't what it was when I was growing up, where kids were out in abundance and homemade candy was common.  No razor blades, needles or other nasty things.  It was safe back then. It should be safe now.  It is for the most part, but there are still crazy people lurking about, ready to do harm to others, because they can. Karma does have the upper hand however, and someday, when they least expect it, will bite them in the ass.

I did manage to do a bit of baking in between the nausea episodes.  My brother and his spouse will be around this weekend from LA so I thought I'd put together some goodies for them to take home with them when they go back.  I made brown sugar fudge with walnuts and oreo chocolate fudge. I impulsively decided to make a small white cake as well, and used some of the brown sugar fudge, remelted, as icing. It was something mom would make us growing up and it was sooooo good.  For some reason, hers was much better than mine.

I will be back at work tomorrow and hopefully able to climb out of this slump I am in. I like the people I work with.....a lot.

I still have the occasional sound of a squirrel lurking in the walls.  I also smell death.  Not great at any time and really not great when you're nauseous.